Contrary to popular notions that it is the Yoga of Sex or some form of couples therapy, Tantra is primarily concerned with inner, mystical experiences. In Tantra, all mundane activities are opportunities to experience the divine, especially when they are approached with consciousness and intention. While Tantra is a deeply personal path in this sense, the inner journey should generate the awareness that everything is connected; in fact, the word Tantra is often translated as web or weaving, implying a weaving together with all that is. Moments of strong desire and intense pleasure are opportunities to experience this sense of connection directly.
In Tantric cosmology, the entire universe vibrates with pleasure and desire; Tantrics understand the ever-unfolding process of creation in explicitly erotic terms—the attraction and union of male and female polarities, "Shiva" and "Shakti" in the Hindu Tantric tradition. Thus, in Tantra, the experience of pleasure on an individual, microcosmic level evokes the universal process. At peak moments of pleasure, the practitioner has an opportunity to experience merger—a state of union (or Yoga) with all that is.
This attitude toward pleasure is made explicit in the Vijnanabhairava Tantra, a Kashmir Shaivite text from the eighth century and one of the most important Tantric scriptures: "On the occasion of great delight being obtained...one should meditate on the delight itself and become absorbed in it, then his mind will become identified with it" (translation from Jaideva Singh's The Yoga of Delight, Wonder, and Astonishment: A Translation of the Vijnanabhairava). Other verses emphasize that desire pervades the universe and that a person can attain an understanding of the ultimate reality by contemplating desire itself, rather than the object of that desire.
American culture in particular is permeated by an extraordinary ambivalence about pleasure and desire. Desire drives marketing and consumerism with the idea that pleasure can be found in the next purchase; of course, the pleasure is fleeting. As it recedes, it is replaced by desire for another item in a never-ending cycle. Sexuality is one of the main lubricants that keep this wheel of consumerism in motion. We are conditioned to believe that we will be healthier, happier, more beautiful, that we will attract that gorgeous man or woman in the ad, if we just make the right purchases.
At the same time, our society tends to view the body and its pleasures as suspect, at best, and evil, at worst. In spite of the success of marketing that relies on sexual imagery, America remains largely a sex-negative, anhedonic culture that values work and material "success" above all else. Christianity has had a strong influence on this perspective. Our Puritan heritage still has a profound impact on our social mores. The Puritans saw wealth as a sign of God's favor, whereas any form of non-marital sexual activity or desire was a pathway to damnation (since Satan could exploit the body to steal the soul). Eastern religious traditions have their own sexual taboos and pleasure-denying attitudes, albeit without the belief in punishment from a judgmental deity who assigns eternal damnation. Many Theravada Buddhists, for example, believe that sexuality must be transcended before enlightenment can be attained.
Denial of the body seems to be correlated with the rise of institutional religions that define many natural activities of daily life, including sexual activity and desire, in negative terms. As people begin to view themselves as flawed or worse, they are more willing to surrender autonomy and obey the demands of an institutionalized system—religious, social, political, military, or economic. This completes a wheel of dependence on the values of that system.
While many European societies are more accepting of pleasure, the legacy of 2,000 years of messages that negate or seek to control sexuality and enjoyment is difficult to escape. Where is the possibility of freedom? We are caught between the conflicting messages of hedonism as a marketing tool and the omnipresent cultural theme that tells us enjoyment leads to damnation. Some people may overreact and convince themselves that self-indulgence is a form of resistance, but they often remain caught in the wheel. Others may capitulate and snuff out their desires in any one of a myriad of ways.
Tantra provides several ways out of this apparent dilemma. By bringing awareness to desire and pleasure, by making a study of what truly makes us feel the vibration of life within us and around us, we can begin to free ourselves from the cultural constructs that confine us. We may never totally find autonomy, but if we bring awareness to our actions and commit ourselves to exploring desire and pleasure, deliberately and consciously, we can begin to find ways to get off the wheel.
In practical terms, this means developing new ways of approaching desire and pleasure. Desire is a powerful force that can motivate and inspire. Suppressing it entails suppressing our fundamental humanity, and most people pay a heavy emotional and even physical price for doing so. Desire itself is not problematic, but attachment to outcome is. So as a first step, it is important to cultivate an attitude of non-attachment. To paraphrase the Vijnanabhairava Tantra, we should not focus on the object of desire. Instead, we must bring our awareness to the desire itself and recognize it as an energy that is both within and all around us. Armed with this understanding, it is possible to become a little freer, whether or not we pursue a particular object of our desire.
Next, it is important to recognize the sacredness of desire (including sexual desire). Bhagavan Das, the great American bhakti yogi and kirtan master, taught us that when you feel an erotic charge, you can gaze upon the person who awakens it and view that person with reverence and awe, while mentally repeating a mantra of gratitude and praise, such as Om Namah Shivayah (Praise Shiva) or Jai Ma (Praise the Goddess), or whatever form of praise feels appropriate.
Actions to pursue an object of desire may then be undertaken as part of a spiritual path. Doing so requires an awareness that may need to be learned, because people generally understand pleasure either in purely instinctual terms or as it is culturally constructed. Few of us give much thought to what truly brings us pleasure, both erotically and in more general terms. By questioning, discovering, and cultivating the true sources of our pleasure, we can begin to emerge from limiting ideas and conditioned responses.
The simplest way to begin this exploration of pleasure awareness is to make a list of things that give you pleasure—a list we call your Pleasure Palette. Then examine the items on the list, identifying the qualities of each one and looking for patterns, connections, and themes. A person might discover, for example, that she really enjoys a good argument. The next step would entail examining the underlying feeling and the nature of the pleasure experienced—is it intellectual, emotional, sexual, all of these? How does it relate to any other personal pleasures on the list?
Once you've developed an understanding of your pleasure palette, you can begin to cultivate a sense of reverence in the experience of pleasure. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with seeking pleasure for its own sake, but the experience of pleasure is much richer when it is both understood and fully appreciated. This is true for any enjoyable experience, from eating ice cream to feeling a breeze caress the skin. In the context of sexuality, awareness of what brings you to the peak of ecstasy enhances reverence for your partner and for the experience itself.
The erotic spark exists wherever pleasure and desire are found. It arises as a reminder that everyone is divine. Recognizing this and cultivating reverence can transform you; people will feel it and reciprocate, energetically. The benefits will come back to you and multiply, leaving you more open to others, more creative, more confident and sexy, and less constricted by mental boundaries, whatever their origin.