Woodstock: Colony of the Arts?

The Oracle of the Anagram

by Sharon Nichols, March 02, 2007

A friend used to call me Aggie, which was short for "agnostic." I found comfort in the phrase "I don't know and you don't either." Alas, the Aggie angle is now moot. I know there's someone driving the universe because of hidden messages everywhere that are more than mere coincidence.

Since moving to Woodstock 12 years ago—a town subtitled "Colony of the Arts"—I've decided there's hidden meaning in the phrase itself, something prophetic proving there's a Wiseguy on High. I know this because of the oracle of the anagram, through which much about the town is revealed.

Woodstock was destined to be an artists' hole, for if you rearrange the letters in "Colony of the Arts" you get "So crafty the loon." But is Woodstock home to just a bunch of talented goofs? Here's a thought: "The loony factors" and "Hot to fancy loser." Yet there's something much more serious going on here. Take the following jumble of letters to heart: "Hotels fancy root" and "Factory on hotels." These phrases are clearly an indication of corporate giants coming to get us.

The holy nature of Woodstockers, while perhaps not enough to astrally project us en masse may be enough to safeguard us from impending development. Just look at this: "Try a lot of chosen." But saints who are too smug—"Snotty halo force"—may lead to our spiritual decline: "Forecast not holy." Woody's full of political do-gooders, indicated by "A lot of honest cry." But they won't be enough to save us because of those who maintain neutrality: "Shy fool not react" and "Cool fry hates not."
These folks will allow Woodstock to be undermined by the bungling decisions of authority.

So let it be written of the town board: "Ya! Of the controls" with their "Starchy fool tone." The fate of Woodstock? "Rottenly of chaos." And with the pricey real estate, has our town become just "Another of costly"?

For those who dwell here to escape the odious wasteland of Manhattan, Woodstock provides "Honest olfactory" and "North cool safety." We should've known that Woodstock would be the resting place for aging hippies: "Hot fool ancestry." Still, the younger blood "Hasten cool forty" as they prepare to become yet another "Fancy tooth loser."

And what's up with all the famous people 'round here? We should have known... it's right there in "Honestly! Of actor." And what about our growing lesbian community who are welcomed with, "Not of scrotal? Hey!"

You see, there's something out there after all, whirling this little town around the cosmos. Or maybe this is just my own "Scant fool theory."

A one-time cog in the corporate music machine and staff writer for the Woodstock Times art section, Sharon Nichols served as music editor at Chronogram for four years. Having released several volumes of poetry through her own Origin of Souls publishing, she is a part-time DJ and dreams of opening a nightclub in the Hudson Valley called Factory22. www.myspace.com/sharonnichols